just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
