yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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