I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
