thus making me awesome and them whores
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
