you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
