It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're too hungover to prance.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
