We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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