I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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