I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
