that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize