Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
