but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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