I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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