He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
is it fun? or sober?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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