I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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