What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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