Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
