...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
