no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
