Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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