NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
