Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
