I wish I could teleport
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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