Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh god the rape fog is back!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
