I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
