yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
