i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize