Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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