i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
