Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
