i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
