remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
