I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
