I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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