yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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