I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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