I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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