I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
