it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
