just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
