At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize