Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
