She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
