Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
