do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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