That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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