dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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