you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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