he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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