the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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