bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
