When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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