I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
