I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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