She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
