Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My pussy is not your playground.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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