Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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