I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
