he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
