So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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