my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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