haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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