look no pants
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
