I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
