Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
