I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
