We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
