Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
