She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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