after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Too much gin, very little bucket
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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