i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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