She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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