My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
