Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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