She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
