i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
