You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
