At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
