just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
