I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She bit a glass in half.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
