Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
