Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize