Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
