i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you would pick up someone in the library
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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