11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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