I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
