I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
