they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
