I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
