He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
