I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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