drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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