What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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