The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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