how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
