Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
