I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
