then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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