According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
