since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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