How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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